Men Are Crap At Internet Dating

Have you ever noticed how the audience never changes on dating sites like POF? I can’t talk about Tinder as I’m not yet that desperate to find out more about it. But over the last three years I have been internet dating, one thing has stayed true – the selection of men very, very rarely changes.

I can’t work out whether these guys are STILL looking for love, or if maybe they are just as unlucky as I am, bouncing from relationship to relationship? Maybe every time I head on to POF to see ‘what’s about’ in between men, they’re doing the same? Bouncing onto yet another girl after yet another failed relationship?

Can anyone offer any insights?

Over the last couple of days that I have been sneakily (profile hidden) compiling “research”, I’ve seen more familiar men than new ones. One Ball for example; he keeps showing up and I’ll be honest, he looks pretty good now. I know he’s an ex and all but it looks as if he has put a bit of weight on, and he has this facial hair thing going on too. It’s actually pretty hot.

Then there was the guy with the black stars tattooed on his neck who I’m pretty sure took my number, sent me half naked photos of himself, and then never messaged me back when I refused to respond in a similar flirty / trashy manner. In fact, there has been quite a few men like that, and surprise surprise, most of them are still on the site, and have been online within the last 24 hours. If you’re still single; still on the hunt for someone to date after a couple of years of constantly being on a dating site…. There’s a good chance you should give up. It’s not attractive to be considered a “regular“.

The thing that makes it worse is when you look a little deeper, you can sort of understand why these guys are still single. These men are crap at internet dating! Profile pages that say stupid things like “Ask me” or “My Snapchat name is MassiveBellend, check me out!” are hardly going to attract the masses are they? You have a real basis for a serious and meaningful relationship there. Well done. Great conversation starters. You must be so proud of yourself! Is that really all you have to say about yourself? There’s nothing you can write in that little box apart from “Ask me”? If you lack imagination there, I dread to think where else you’re lacking it, and what else you’re lacking. Not a great start.

Even worse than NO personal description is one filled with cliches! I can’t stand guys that say mindless shit like “I work hard and party harder”. And if one more guy says “Yolo” I’m going to personally punch them in the face. What is wrong with these people? When did everyone turn into such a cliche? Slash fucktard? It’s almost as if we have all become completely devoid of an individual personality. Half the guys I see on POF are an exact carbon copy of the next. Hair slicked over to one side, rocking a vest top with cargo / beach shorts and flip flops, a bit of facial hair, a few muscles, and a couple of same-old tribal tattoos, probably covering the entirety of one arm. They’ll be personal trainers of course. Or male fitness models. One shoot does not a model make. Just saying.

Still boozing the weekends away at 30 years old doesn’t impress me much either. Nor does skintight white jeans for that matter. Why are men wearing pants so tight I can see their brains? And I don’t mean the brains in their head. I can see EVERYTHING they have to offer down there. And let’s be honest, flaccid penises aren’t all that fantastic.

“Sex inspector” is not a real profession either. Stop writing it. ‘Pussy’ is not acceptable vocabulary, especially in your username. It is definitely not acceptable when preceding lover, licker, or any other similar words, and definitely not as a username. These are actual examples by the way. Not one of these “quirks” (couldn’t think of a better term) is made up. Men are actually doing / saying these things. Right now. They’re doing them right now in front of me.

Crazy, right?

Oh my god, do you want to know something even crazier? Men that spout poetry in their personal description. What the fuck are you doing? I’m not a fan of poetry, and even if I were, I wouldn’t want to be subjected to the kind of tripe these ‘lyricists’ are coming out with. Jeez. Shut up already. This is exactly why you’re not getting laid.

“I hate it when girls wear a bikini when they don’t have the figure for it.”

Well done Steve. Well done. You must be so very proud of yourself for that statement? I can’t wait to judge you in your speedo’s mate. Oh and “No photos of fat people eating cake” was a personal favourite of mine too. What a fucktard he was. I don’t know if Steve was his name. I made that up. I thought he looked like a Steve though.

“I love a bit of cheeky banter.”

Cheers for that bit of knowledge Bill. Do you know what that sounds like? You’re bantering all over town, with any girl that’ll banter right back. Although the fact that he states ‘curry’ as one of his personal interests would probably explain his desperation. I like a curry as much as the next person but I would hardly put it as a personal interest of mine. Maybe you need to get yourself a hobby? Oh you do have a hobby. Duvet days. Imaginative. That’s sarcasm by the way.

Guys that can’t spell really put me off too. Don’t all phones have autocorrect these days?! How are you still making mistakes? I get the odd one happens because we’re all human, but you have autocorrect, why aren’t you using it? And will someone please educate these men on the right words to use – you’re / your, their / they’re, etc. It really pisses me off when I see them getting it wrong.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have a gleaming profile page on my internet dating site, but there is something to be said for making a bit of an effort, isn’t there? You are trying to persuade these people that you’re loveable, or at the very least fuckable. Why wouldn’t you fill out an ‘About Me’ box with a little more than just “Ask me a question…?” Surely even the laziest lover could manage that?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think internet dating becomes mind-numbingly same-old, same-old after a while, with the same men, the same questions, the same bad chat-up lines…. I don’t know how many times I need to ignore messages like “Hi” before these men realise that isn’t enough to get a real conversation going. You can’t do a flirty little hi in any other situation than face to face. Through an internet message, it just looks like you don’t really give a shit.

What it all comes down to is this – most men are crap at internet dating.